Are you sick of making the same resolutions year
after year that you never keep? Why not promise
to do something you can actually accomplish?
Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting
point:
Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising. Waste of time.
Read less. Makes you think.
Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
Take a vacation to someplace important: like,
to see the World's largest ball of twine.
Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
Don't have eight children at once.
Get in a whole NEW rut!
Start being superstitious.
Personal goal: Don't bring back disco.
Don't box with Mike Tyson.
Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.
Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.
Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope
for a belt.v
Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
Don't eat cloned meat.
Create loose ends.
Get more toys.
Get further in debt.
Don't believe politicians.
Break at least one traffic law.
Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
Get wired with high-speed net connections at home.
Don't swim with pirhanas or sharks.
Associate with even worse business clients.
Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.
Wait for opportunity to knock.
Focus on the faults of others.
Mope about faults.
Never make New Year's resolutions again.
By way of 1JokeEzine. To subscribe write to mailto:1JokeEzine@yahoogroups.com.
--Selected from Sermon Fodder Mailing List.
The noted English architect Sir Christopher Wren was supervising the
construction of a magnificent cathedral in London.
A journalist
thought it would be interesting to interview some of the workers, so
he chose three and asked them this question, "What are you doing?"
The first replied, "I'm cutting stone for 10 shillings a day."
The
next answered, "I'm putting in 10 hours a day on this job."
But the
third said, "I'm helping Sir Christopher Wren construct one of
London's greatest cathedrals."
--Source Unknown.
Selected from My Daily Dose.
