1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count
that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat
minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium
at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd
dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
--Author unknown; found circulating the Web in email.
* * * * * * *
Thanks for the cybersalt award, Pastor Tim . . . 
. . . Visit Pastor Tim's great CleanLaugh site!
* * * * * * *
"Answered Prayer"
A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the
men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island. The two
survivors, not knowing what else to do, agreed that they had no other
recourse but to pray to God. However, to find out whose prayer was more
powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on
opposite sides of the island.
The first thing they prayed for was food. - The next morning, the first
man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to
eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.
After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a
wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was
a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the
island, there was nothing.
Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. - The next
day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man
still had nothing.
Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could
leave the island. - In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side
of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided
to leave the second man on the island. He considered the other man
unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been
answered.
As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven
booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?" "My
blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the
first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not
deserve anything."
"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer,
which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my
blessings."
"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "What did he pray for that I
should owe him anything?"
"He prayed that all your prayers be answered."
For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone,
but those of another praying for us.
-- Author Unknown. Selected from Email Ministry newsletter.
