1. The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't
paying attention in class. She called on him and
said, "Johnny! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little
Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO, and the Cartoon
Network!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
2. When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for
preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he
left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I
asked. "Yes, "Chris said. "She's come to visit
us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she
live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we
want her, we just go out there and get her."
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3. When the mother returned from the grocery store,
her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he
had begged for, then he spread the animal-shaped
crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you
doing?" his Mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them
if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking
for the seal."
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4. This little grandmother was surprised by her 7 year
old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She
drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When
she got to the bottom, there were three of those little
green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are
these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson
said, "Grandma, it says on TV 'The best part of waking
up is soldiers in your cup!'"
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5. In the supermarket was a man pushing a cart that
contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman
kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert;
don't scream, Albert; don't yell, Albert; keep calm,
Albert." A woman standing next to him said, "You
certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your
son, Albert." The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm
Albert."
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6. While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-
old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old
age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.
One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the
inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!
"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that
nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his five-year-
old son and his playmates had found a dead robin.
Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they
had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a
hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of
what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaaather. And to the sonnn......and
into the hole he gooooes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9. A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her
mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let
me talk!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--Found in circulating email on the Web.
* * * * * * *
Thanks for the cybersalt award, Pastor Tim . . . 
. . . Visit Pastor Tim's great CleanLaugh site!
* * * * * * *
"A Season, A Reason, or a Lifetime!"
People come into our lives for a reason, a season
or a lifetime. When we figure out which one it is, we know how to enrich each person's life.
When someone is in your life for a REASON. . . It is usually to meet a need
you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to
provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally,
or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there
for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your
part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to
bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk
away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must
realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is
done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move
on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON. Because your turn has come to
share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you
laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give
you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for
a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build
upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept
the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind
but friendship is clairvoyant.
--author unknown; found in email circulating the Web.
