~ She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.
~ Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
~ Sorry, I don't date outside my species.
~ Speak softly and carry a cellular phone.
~ Stupidity got us into this mess; why can't it get us out?
~ Support bacteria--they're the only culture some people have.
~ Sweater: a garment worn by a child when a mother feels chilly.
~ Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
~ The Bible needs less defense and more practice.
~ The chance that you'll forget something is directly proportional to..ah...to, um...
~ The pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time during the trip.
~ The Scots invented golf, which might explain why they invented Scotch.
~ There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
~ Three may keep a secret if two of them are dead.
~ To a dog, you're family. To a cat, you're the staff.
~ We have 35 million laws to enforce 10 commandments.
~ When I was growing up, my parents told me I could be anyone or do anything in the whole world. Now that I'm older, I wish they had been more specific.
~ Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~ Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
~ You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving.
~ Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.
--selected from Mikey's Thoughts - Mikey's Funnies.
