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Credit for digital music: "Come Fill My Heart" by Elton Smith, Larry Holder and Steve Israel/Songs of Praise)
"'Twas the Night before Easter" - an EASTER feature
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It's Time for Tickles 'n Truth A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature
"Funny Bone Faith" sees humor--AND faith--in the tough times and with God's help, smiles through tears as it triumphs in a Lord who brings joy and laughter to our lives--daily! Enjoy the fun and inspiration--and strengthen YOUR "Funny Bone Faith" right here--today!
NOTE: Humor pieces are meant to be funny. No offense is meant with regard to age, sex, race, religion, occupation or any other topic. It is simply a way of laughing at ourselves, so please just laugh along with us!
Today's Tickles: "Don't Mess with Moms!"
My son came home from school one day, with a smirk upon his face. He decided he was smart enough, to put me in my place. Guess what I learned in Civics Two, that's taught by Mr. Wright? It's all about the laws today, "The Children's Bill of Rights."
It says I need not clean my room, don't have to cut my hair. No one can tell me what to think, or speak, or what to wear. I have freedom from religion, and regardless what you say, I don't have to bow my head, and I sure don't have to pray. I can wear earrings if I want, and pierce my tongue & nose. I can read & watch just what I like, get tattoos from head to toe.
And if you ever spank me, I'll charge you with a crime. I'll back up all my charges, with the marks on my behind. Don't you ever touch me, my body's only for my use, not for your hugs and kisses, that's just more child abuse. Don't preach about your morals, like your Mama did to you. That's nothing more than mind control, And it's illegal too!
Mom, I have these children's rights, so you can't influence me, or I'll call Children's Services Division, better known as C.S.D. Of course my first instinct was to toss him out the door. But the chance to teach him a lesson made me think a little more. I mulled it over carefully, I couldn't let this go. A smile crept upon my face, he's messing with a pro.
Next day I took him shopping at the local Goodwill Store. I told him, "Pick out all you want, there's shirts & pants galore. I've called and checked with C.S.D. who said they didn't care if I bought you K-Mart shoes instead of those Nike Airs. I've canceled that appointment to take your driver 's test. The C.S.D. is unconcerned so I'll decide what 's best.
I said "No time to stop and eat, or pick up stuff to munch. And tomorrow you can start to learn to make your own sack lunch. Just save the raging appetite, and wait till dinner time. We're having liver and onions, a favorite dish of mine.
He asked "Can I please rent a movie, to watch on my VCR? "Sorry, but I sold your TV, for new tires on my car. I also rented out your room, you'll take the couch instead. The C.S.D. requires just a roof over your head.
Your clothing won't be trendy now, I'll choose what we eat. That allowance that you used to get, will buy me something neat. I'm selling off your jet ski, dirt-bike & roller blades. Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights," It's in effect today!
Hey hot shot, are you crying, why are you on your knees? Are you asking God to help you out, instead of C.S.D..?Ê
--author unknown; found circulating the Net via email.
Today's Truth: "There's a Rat Trap in the House!"
A rat looked through a crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package. What food might it contain? He was aghast to discover that it was a rat trap. Retreating to the farmyard the rat proclaimed the warning; "There is a rat trap in the house, a rat trap in the house!"
The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Excuse me, Mr. Rat, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."
The rat turned to the pig and told him, "There is a rat trap in the house, a rat trap in the house!" "I am so very sorry Mr. Rat," sympathized the pig, "but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured that you are in my prayers."
The rat turned to the cow. She said, "Like wow, Mr. Rat, a rat trap. I am in grave danger. Duh?" So the rat returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's rat trap alone.
That very night a sound was heard throughout the house, like the sound of a rat trap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see that it was an enormous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.
The farmer rushed her to the hospital. She returned home with a fever. Now everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.
His wife's sickness continued so that friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well. She died, and so many people came for her funeral that the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide meat for all of them to eat.
So the next time you hear that someone is facing a problem and think that it does not concern you, remember that when there is a rat trap in the house, the whole farmyard is at risk.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
PRAYER: Gracious and loving God, we confess sometimes it is easy to overlook the concerns of others because of our self-centeredness. Help us to share your concern for the world you love and gave your son for because it concerns us too. Amen.
--Selected from God@Work newsletter, a ministry of St Mark's United Methodist Church, Lincoln Nebraska 68520.
Inspiration, News, Devotionals, Humor & More to Start Your Day!
My Pastor's Message of the Day--Updated each weekday!
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All Scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.Humor and inspiration in Tickles 'n Truth are extracted from items that circulate around the Web. Many authors are unknown; I do not claim copyright privileges on the articles used. Should you know the author of a certain piece, please notify me that I may give proper credit.
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