I think Santa Claus is a woman....
I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she.
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing
social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull
it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting
gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of
Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they--with amazing
calm--call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.
Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products,
socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think
this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me
it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making
burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas
morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree,
still in the bag.
Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there
would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted,
and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh, amid wide-eyed, desperate
claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be
on the way to the taxidermist.
Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation
problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and
clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney,
where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in
the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every
gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to
straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
~ Men can't pack a bag.
~ Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
~ Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with
all those elves.
~ Men don't answer their mail.
~ Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as
anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
~ Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
~ Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men. Father
Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. Cupid
flies around carrying weapons. Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point
fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening
test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance.
--Selected from Mikey's Funnies.
Have you found yourself praying a prayer of desperation? Does the night seem
to be closing in on you, and God seems to be off somewhere fast asleep? Well
take a little heart in fact that you're not alone. In fact, one of the
bravest men in the Bible knew exactly how you are feeling. He cried the
same prayer you might be praying, "Lord, I need a break".
David, the might giant killer, hit the pits when his best friend informed
him that Saul, king of Israel, was set on killing him. Now, I've experienced
the ìpitsî but I have never had anyone out to kill me (I think 'n I hope!).
According to the account giving to us in 1 Samuel 21, David was afraid. Not
just a little afraid but terrified! The irony of it! David, the fearless
youth that fought the giant, was afraid of Saul, who was afraid to fight the
giant!
When we get to 1 Samuel 22:1, David is hiding in cave and was in the
"bluest" moods. David was sucking the soup of self-pity and singing the song
of ìPoor Me.î How do I know that? Read Psalm 142 and Psalm 57. They are the
words of a man desperate, lonely and fearful. At least they start out that
way but before the end of Psalm 57, we see David's faith restored.
What caused his faith to be restored? Several things happened, his family
appeared, men joined him -- But! The one thing that really got David out of
pits and back on track was that he took his eyes off his problems and
focused one the One that was really in control. The Lord is the "Great
Problem Solver. When we stop drinking the "Soup of Self-Pity" and start
looking to the one that gives us strength, answers our doubts, direction our
paths and love us -- then things take on the right prospective and problems
get solved!
Are you there today? Well here is pad on the back. Now climb out of the
bathtub of poor me and focus on the Lord Jesus. Meditate on the verses below
and know that you too can turn problems into praise.
Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in
thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these
calamities be overpast. I will cry unto God most high; unto God that
formeth all things for me. He shall send from heaven, and save me from the
reproach of him that would swallow me up. Selah. God shall send forth his
mercy and his truth. My soul is among lions: and I lie even among them that
are set on fire, even the sons of men, whose teeth are spears and arrows,
and their tongue a sharp sword. Be thou exalted, O God, above the heavens;
let thy glory be above all the earth. They have prepared a net for my steps;
my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst
whereof they are fallen themselves. Selah. My heart is fixed, O God, my
heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise. Awake up, my glory; awake,
psaltery and harp: I myself will awake early. I will praise thee, O Lord,
among the people: I will sing unto thee among the nations. For thy mercy is
great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds. Be thou exalted, O
God, above the heavens: let thy glory be above all the earth.
To God Be The Glory!
--by Pastor Jim. Selected from Net153 Weekly from Net153.com.
Inspiration, News, Devotionals, Humor & More to Start Your Day!
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All Scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.
Humor and inspiration in Tickles 'n Truth are extracted from items that circulate around the Web. Many authors are unknown; I do not claim copyright privileges on the articles used. Should you know the author of a certain piece, please notify me that I may give proper credit.
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