Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder
what else you can do while you're down there.
You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.
One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a
person gain five pounds.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'till the thought goes
away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now
I am so far behind, I will live forever.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it
shrinks two sizes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can
usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
--Author unknown.
Here is today's Illustration. It's a New Year - are there any bridges you
should build?
Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into
conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by
side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a
hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart.
It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference,
and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks
of silence.
One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man
with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days work" he said.
"Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there. Could I help you?"
"Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the
creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger brother.
Last week there was a meadow between and he took his bulldozer to the river
levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to
spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber over by the
barn? I want you to build me a fence --an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need
to see his place anymore. Cool him down, anyhow."
The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails
and the post-hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you."
The older brother had to go to town for supplies, so he helped the carpenter
get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter
worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing. About sunset when the
farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes
opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence at all. It was a
bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A
fine piece of work, handrails and all -- and the neighbor, his younger
brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched. "You are quite a fellow
to build this bridge after all I've said and done."
The two brothers met at the middle of the bridge, taking each other's hand.
They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. "No,
wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the
older brother.
"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but I have so many more bridges
to build."
--Author unknown. Selected from Pastor Tim's Illustrations.
A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
