A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the
hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43
years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and
change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured
she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While
crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another
40 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
(SCROLL DOWN....You'll love this!!!)
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God replied, "I didn't recognize you."
--Found circulating the Web!
(We first heard this story as a sermon illustration several years ago
and had forgotten its humor (especially to parents of teen-agers) and
poignancy. It has a word that may be offensive to some, but if you
read to the end you will see its appropriateness in regards to the
lives we are called to live before God. God@Work editor)
A father of some teen age children had the family rule that they
could not attend "R" rated movies. His three teens wanted to go a
particular popular movie that was playing at local theaters and was
rated "R".
The teens interviewed friends and even some members of their church
to find out what was offensive in the movie. The teens made a list
of Pros and Cons about the movie to use to convince their Dad that
they should be allowed to see it. The Con's were that it contained
ONLY 3 swear words, and the ONLY violence was a building exploding
(and you see that on TV all the time, they said), and you actually
did not "see" the couple in the movie having sex -- it was just
implied sex, off camera.
The pros were that it was a popular movie -- a blockbuster. Everyone
was seeing it. If we saw the movie we would not feel left out when
our friends discussed it. The movie contained a good story and
plot. It had some great adventure and suspense in it. There were
some fantastic special effects in this movie. The movie's stars were
some of the most talented actors in Hollywood. It probably would be
nominated for several awards. Many of the members of their Christian
church had seen the movie and said it wasn't "very bad".
Therefore since there were more pros than cons the teens said they
would ask their father to reconsider his position on just this ONE
movie and let them have permission to go see it.
The father looked at the list and thought for a few minutes. He said
he could tell his children had spent some time and thought on this
request. He asked if he could have a day to think about it before
making his decision. The teens were thrilled thinking; "Now we've
got him! Our argument is too good! Dad can't turn us down!" So,
they happily agreed to let him have a day to think about their
request.
The next evening the father called in his three teenagers, who were
smiling smugly, into the living room. There on the coffee table he
had a plate of brownies. The teens were puzzled. The father told
his children he had thought about their request and had decided that
if they would each eat a brownie then he would let them go to the
movie. But just like the movie, the brownies had pros and cons.
The pros were that they were made with the finest chocolate and other
good ingredients. They had the added special effect of yummy walnuts
in them. The brownies were moist and fresh with wonderful chocolate
frosting on top. He had made these fantastic brownies using an award-
winning recipe. And best of all, the brownies had been made lovingly
by the hand of their own father.
The brownies only had one con. He had included a little bit of a
special ingredient. The brownies also contained just a little bit of
dog poop. But he had mixed the dough well -- they probably would not
even be able to taste the dog poop and he had baked it a 350 degrees
so any bacteria or germs from the dog poop had probably been
destroyed.
Therefore, if any of his children could stand to eat the brownies
which included just a "little bit of crap" and not be effected by it,
then he knew they would also be able to see the movie with "just a
little bit of smut" and not be effected.
Of course, none of the teens would eat the brownies and the smug
smiles had left their faces. Only Dad was smiling smugly and they
left the room. Now when teenagers ask permission to do something
that he is opposed to, the Father just asks, "Would you like me to
whip up a batch of my special brownies?"
1 Peter 1:14-16:
"As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had
when you lived in ignorance. [15] But just as he who called you is
holy, so be holy in all you do; [16] for it is written: "Be holy,
because I am holy."
PRAYER:
Holy God and Father, we confess we have failed to seek your holiness
at all times in our lives. Help us to heed the call to holiness this
day as we refelct your glory. Amen.
--Selected from
God@Work newsletter, a ministry of St Mark's United Methodist Church, 8550 Pioneers Blvd., Lincoln Nebraska 68520 U.S.A. e-mail: info@stmarks.org.
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A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
