I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts until 8 p.m I'm very good
at opening childproof caps with a hammer.
I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I am going.
I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano,
antacid........
I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go.
I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.
I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying.
I'm very good at telling stories.....over and over and over and over.
I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.
I'm so cared for: long term care, eye care, private care, dental care....
I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children,
politicians...
(For the ladies) I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate
retired.
I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.
I'm wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that's just my left leg.
I'm having trouble remembering simple words like.........
I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate.
I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies....
I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise,
anti-inflammatory.....
I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less.
I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.
I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA'S, AARP.....
I'm supporting all movements now.... by eating bran, prunes, and raisins.
I'm a walking storeroom of facts.....I've just lost the storeroom.
I'm a SENIOR CITIZEN and I think I am having the time of my life!!!
Now if I could only remember who sent this to me, I would send it to many
more! You didn't, did you???????
For you younger people, this is just to let you know what is coming.
--Selected from Pastor Tim's CleanLaughs.
* * * * * * *
Thanks for the cybersalt award, Pastor Tim . . . 
. . . Visit Pastor Tim's great CleanLaugh site!
* * * * * * *
"Ten Principles for a Blessed Day!"
1. TODAY I WILL NOT STRIKE BACK . . .
If someone is rude, if someone is impatient, if someone is unkind, I
will not respond in a like manner.
2. TODAY I WILL ASK GOD TO BLESS MY 'ENEMY'
If I come across someone who treats me harshly or unfairly, I will
quietly ask God to bless that individual. I understand "enemy" could
be
a family member, neighbor, co-worker or stranger.
3. TODAY I WILL BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT I SAY . . .
I will carefully choose and guard my words being certain that I do not
spread gossip.
4. TODAY I WILL GO THE EXTRA MILE . . .
I will find ways to help share the burden of another person.
5. TODAY I WILL FORGIVE . . .
I will forgive any hurts or injuries that come my way.
6. TODAY I WILL DO SOMETHING KIND FOR SOMEONE, (BUT I WILL DO IT IN
SECRET . . . )
I will reach out anonymously and bless the life of another.
7. TODAY I WILL TREAT OTHERS THE WAY I WISH TO BE TREATED . . .
I will practice the golden rule. "Do Unto others as I would have them
do
unto me"- with EVERYONE I encounter.
8. TODAY I WILL RAISE THE SPIRITS OF SOMEONE WHO IS DISCOURAGED . . .
My smile, my words, my expression of support, can make the difference
to
someone who is wrestling with life.
9. TODAY I WILL NURTURE MY BODY . . .
I will eat less . . . I will eat only healthy foods. I will thank God
for my body.
10. TODAY I WILL GROW SPIRITUALLY . . .
I will spend a little more time in prayer today. I will begin reading
something spiritual or inspirational; I will find a quiet place (at
some
point during this day) and listen to God's voice.
Luke 10:27:
He answered: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with
all
your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind';
and, 'Love
your neighbor as yourself.'"
We learn three principles about loving our neighbor: (1) lack of love
is
often easy to justify, even though it is never right; (2) our neighbor
is anyone of any race, creed, or social background who is in need; and
(3) love means acting to meet the person's needs.
Wherever you live, there are needy people close by. There is no good
reason for refusing to help.
Remember, today is a gift from God so treat it preciously.
--Author unknown.
--Selected from God@Work newsletter. God@Work is a ministry of St Mark's United Methodist Church, 8550 Pioneers Blvd., Lincoln Nebraska 68520 U.S.A.
A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
