Today's Tickles!

"Kids' Answers to Bible Questions"

If you know the Bible -- even a little -- you'll find this hilarious! This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in).

x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.

Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told adam to eat the apple.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

--Unknown; found circulating in email.

"Remember!"

* Remember that your presence is a present to the world.

* Remember that you are a unique and unrepeatable creation.

* Remember that your life can be what you want it to be.

* Remember to take the days just one at a time.

* Remember to count your blessings, not your troubles.

* Remember that you'll make it through whatever comes along.

* Remember that most of the answers you need are within you.

* Remember those dreams waiting to be realized.

* Remember that decisions are too important to leave to chance.

* Remember to always reach for the best that is within you.

* Remember that nothing wastes more energy than worry.

* Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

* Remember that the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.

* Remember not to take things too seriously.

* Remember to laugh.

* Remember that a little love goes a long way.

* Remember that a lot goes forever.

* Remember that happiness is more often found in giving than getting.

* Remember that life's treasures are people, not things.

May God bless your day with peace, joy and love.

-- Author Unknown; selected from E-Mail Ministry newsletter.

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