1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
(Huh? That's the only time I have to work on my hair...)
2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside."
(Evidently, the shoplifter special)
3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how. . . ?)
4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions:
Defrost."
(But it's *just* a suggestion)
5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box):
"Do not turn upside down."
(, too late!)
6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot
after heating."
(As night follows the day . . . .)
7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body."
(But wouldn't this save more time?)
8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car
or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents
if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
forklifts.)
9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(And you're taking this because . . . .????)
10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor
use only."
(As opposed to what?)
11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts."
(NEWS FLASH)
13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open
packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)
14. On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company, I blame parents for this one.)
15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands."
(Was there a chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)
16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on
food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's OK honey just grab the
Palmolive...)
18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before
distributing in washing machine."
(Hey kids, no more swimming in the washing machine!)
--Author unknown; found circulating in email.