FINE ~ This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel
we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe
how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES ~ This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five
minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out
the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING ~ If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this
means something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used
to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out,
upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument
that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) ~ This is a dare. One that will result
in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) ~ This means "I give up" or "do what you
want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead"
in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk
to you in about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH ~ This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you
are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing with you over NOTHING.
SOFT SIGH ~ Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs"
are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is
content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay
content.
THAT'S OKAY ~ This is one of the most dangerous statements that a
woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long
and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have
done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in
conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near
future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in
some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO ~ This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving
you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for
doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to
tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
THANKS ~ A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're
welcome."
THANKS A LOT ~ This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say,
"Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that
you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the
"Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud sigh," as
she will only tell you "Nothing."
Send this out to ALL men that you know just to warn them about
future arguments they can avoid if remembering all the terminology.
And send to all your women friends to get a good laugh!
--author unknown; found circulating the Net via email.
Today's Truth: "Things I've Learned!"
I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Age 6
I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night".
Age 7
I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back.
Age 9
I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.
Age 12
I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
Age 13
I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.
Age 15
I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice.
Age 24
I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures.
Age 25
I've learned that wherever I go, the worlds worst drivers have followed me there.
Age 29
I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.
Age 39
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it.
Age 41
I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little card.
Age 44
I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others.
Age 45
I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies.
Age 46
I've learned that singing "Amazing Grace" can lift my spirits for hours.
Age 49
I've learned that motel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
Age 50
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
Age 52
I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die.
Age 53
I've learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life.
Age 58
I've learned that if you want to do something positive for your children, try to improve your marriage.
Age 61
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
Age 62
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
Age 64
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, the needs of others, your work, meeting new people, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
Age 65
I've learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision.
Age 66
I've learned that everyone can use a prayer.
Age 72
I've learned that it pays to believe in miracles. And to tell the truth, I've seen several.
Age 73
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
Age 82
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
Age 85
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
Age 92
--author unknown; selected from Net 153 Great Day News.
A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 