1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad and a note explaining
that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding
ticket.
3. Leave him a note explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask
if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas.
Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy
when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Leave a note by the telephone telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and
wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way
home.
7. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse
to let him leave until that huge cake arrives.
8. While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he
comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last
payment, and take off.
9. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out with a note
that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a
stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that
says, "For Santa. :("
10. Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When
Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They
always return to the scene of the crime."
11. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and
corrections.
12. Leave Santa a note explaining that you've moved. Include a map with
unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.
13. Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the
house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been
"trampled." Threaten to sue.
--Selected from Pastor Tim's CleanLaugh List.
"Teach the Children!"
Just a week before Christmas I had a visitor.
This is how it happened...I just finished the household
chores for the night and was preparing to go to bed,
when I heard a noise in the front of the house. I opened
the door to the front room and
to my surprise, Santa himself stepped out from behind
the Christmas tree.
He placed his finger over his mouth so I would not cry
out. "What are you doing?" I started to ask. The words
choked up in my throat, and I saw he had tears in his eyes.
His usual jolly manner was gone. Gone was the eager,
boisterous soul we all know. He then answered me with a
simple statement. "TEACH THE CHILDREN!" I was
puzzled; what did he mean?
He anticipated my question, and with one quick movement
brought forth a miniature toy bag from behind the tree.
As I stood bewildered, Santa said, "Teach the children!
Teach them the "old meaning" of Christmas. The meaning
that "now-a-days" Christmas has forgotten."
Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a FIR TREE
and placed it before the mantle. "teach the children that the
pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all
year round, depicting the everlasting hope of mankind, all the
needles point heavenward, making it a symbol of man's thoughts
turning toward heaven."
He again reached into his bag and pulled out a brilliant STAR.
"Teach the children that the star was the heavenly sign of
promises long ago. God promised a Savior for the world, and the
star was the sign of fulfillment of "His promise."
He then reached into his bag and pulled out a CANDLE.
"Teach the children that the candle symbolizes that Christ is the
light of the world, and when we see this great light we are
reminded of He who displaces the darkness."
Once again he reached into his bag and removed a WREATH
and placed it on the tree. "Teach the children that the wreath
symbolizes the real nature of love. Real love never ceases. Love
is one continuous round of affection."
He then pulled from his bag and ornament of HIMSELF.
"Teach the children that I, Santa Clause symbolize the generosity
and good will we feel during the month of December."
He then brought out a HOLLY LEAF. "Teach the children that
the holly plant represents immortality. It represents the crown
of thorns worn by our Savior. The red holly represents the
blood shed by Him."
Next he pulled from his bag a GIFT and said, "Teach the
children that God so loved the world that he gave..." "Thanks
be to God for his unspeakable gift". Teach the children that
the wise men bowed before the holy babe and presented him
with gold, frankincense and myrrh. We should always give
gifts in the same spirit of the wise men."
Santa then reached in his bag and pulled out a CANDY CANE
and hung it on the tree. "Teach the children that the candy
cane represents the shepherds' crook. The crook on the staff
helps to bring back strayed sheep to the flock. The candy cane
is the symbol that we are our brother's keeper."
He reached in again and pulled out an ANGEL. "Teach the
children that it was the angels that heralded in the glorious
news of the Savior's birth. The angels sang "Glory to God
in the highest, on earth peace and good will toward men."
Suddenly I heard a soft twinkling sound, and from his bag
he pulled out a BELL. "Teach the children that as the lost
sheep are found by the sound of the bell, it should ring
mankind to the fold. The bell symbolizes guidance and return.
Santa looked back and was pleased. He looked back at me
and I saw that the twinkle was back in his eyes. He said,
"Remember, teach the children the true meaning of Christmas
and do not put me in the center, for I am but a humble
servant of the One that is, and I bow down to worship Him,
our Lord, our God."
--Author unknown.
A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
