Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:

~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.

~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.

~ Read less. Makes you think.

~ Watch more TV.

~ Procrastinate more--starting tomorrow.

~ Take a vacation to someplace important--like to see the world's largest ball of twine.

~ Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.

~ Stop bringing lunch from home--eat out more.

~ Don't have eight children at once.

~ Get in a whole NEW rut!

~ Personal goal: Don't bring back disco.

~ Don't box with Mike Tyson.

~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.

~ Spend summer vacation in cyberspace.

~ Don't eat cloned meat.

~ Create loose ends.

~ Get more toys.

~ Get further in debt.

~ Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.

~ Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.

~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.

~ Wait for opportunity to knock.

~ Never make New Year's resolutions again.

--Author unknown.

--Selected from Mikey's Funnies.

Give up complaining . . . focus on gratitude.

Give up pessimism . . . become an optimist.

Give up harsh judgments . . . think kind thoughts.

Give up worry . . . trust divine providence.

Give up discouragement . . . be full of hope.

Give up bitterness . . . turn to forgiveness.

Give up hatred . . . return good for evil.

Give up negativism . . . be positive.

Give up anger . . . practice patience.

Give up pettiness . . . put on maturity.

Give up gloom. . . enjoy the beauty that is all around you.

Give up jealousy . . . pray for trust.

Give up gossiping . . . control your tongue.

Give up sin. . . . turn to virtue.

--Selected from Mikey's Funnies.

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All Scriptures are taken from the King James Version of the Holy Bible.

Humor and inspiration in Tickles 'n Truth are extracted from items that circulate around the Web. Many authors are unknown; I do not claim copyright privileges on the articles used. Should you know the author of a certain piece, please notify me that I may give proper credit.

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