~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts
to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
~ There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory.
I forget the other two.
~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as
long as you don't have to go along.
~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.
~ Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to
every man. Isn't that the worst time for a guy to get those odds?
~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start
confiding in you.
~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go
anywhere.
~ Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have
begun to grow in the middle.
~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his
doctor instead of by the police.
~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the
only thing you care to exercise.
~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way
through Congress.
~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get
it started.
~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is
that you are not a hypochondriac.
~ You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask
yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down
there.
~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't
remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.
--Author unknown; found circulating in email.
The first thing I remember is sitting on a bench in the waiting room of
what I thought to be a court house. The doors opened and I was
instructed to come in and have a seat by the defense table. As I looked
around I saw the "prosecutor." He was a villainous looking gent who
snarled as he stared at me. He definitely was the most evil person I
have ever seen.
I sat down and looked to my left and there sat my lawyer, a kind and
gentle looking man whose appearance seemed familiar to me. The corner
door flew open and there appeared the judge in full flowing robes. He
commanded an awesome presence as he moved across the room. I couldn't
take my eyes off of him. as he took his seat behind the bench, he said
"Let us begin."
The prosecutor rose and said, "My name is Satan and I am here to show you
why this man belongs in hell." He proceeded to tell of lies that I told,
things that I stole, and in the past when I cheated others. Satan told
of other horrible perversions that were once in my life and the more he
spoke, the further down in my seat I sank. I was so embarrassed that I
couldn't look at anyone, even my own lawyer, as the Devil told of sins
that even I had completely forgotten about.
As upset as I was at Satan
for telling all these things about me, I was equally upset at my
representative who sat there silently not offering any form of defense at
all. I know I had been guilty of those things, but I had done some good
in my life - couldn't that at least equal out part of the harm I've done?
Satan finished with a fury and said "This man belongs in hell, he is
guilty of all that I have charged and there is not a person who can prove
otherwise.
When it was his turn, my lawyer first asked if he might approach the
bench. The judge allowed this over the strong objection of Satan, and
beckoned him to come forward. As he got up and started walking, I was
able to see him in his full splendor and majesty. I realized why he
seemed so familiar.
This was Jesus representing me, my Lord and my Savior. He stopped at the
bench and softly said to the judge, "Hi Dad," and then he turned to
address the court. "Satan was correct in saying that this man had
sinned, I won't deny any of these allegations. And yes the wages of sin
is death, and this man deserves to be punished."
Jesus took a deep breath and turned to his Father with outstretched arms
and proclaimed, "However, I died on the cross so that this person might
have eternal life and he has accepted me as his Savior, so he is mine."
My Lord continued with, "His name is written in the book of life (Rev.
20:15) and no one can snatch him from me. Satan still does not
understand yet. This man is not to be given justice, but rather mercy."
As Jesus sat down, he quietly paused, looked at his Father and replied,
"There is nothing else that needs to be done. I've done it all." The
judge lifted his mighty hand and slammed the gavel down.
The following words bellowed from his lips... "This man is free. The
penalty for him has already been paid in full. Case dismissed." As my
Lord led me away, I could hear Satan ranting and raving, "I won't give
up, I'll win the next one." I asked Jesus as he gave me my instructions
where to go next, "Have you ever lost a case?"
Christ lovingly smiled and said, "Everyone that has come to me and asked
me to represent them has received the same verdict as you, Paid in Full."
-- Author unknown; found circulating in e-mail.
A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
