1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4
inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.
3. A three-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using
the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before
you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a
ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words Uh-oh," it's already too
late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year
old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start
a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is forever.
*13. No matter how much Jell-O (tr) you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.
*14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O (tr).
15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they
do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like
ovens.
20. The fire department in Austin,TX has a 5 minute response time.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.
22. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
23. The mind of a six-year-old is wonderful.
*Nos. 13 and 14: I have added the (tr) indication for trademark.
--Author unknown - found circulating the Web.
THE TOUCH OF THE MASTER'S HAND
It was battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while,
To waste much time on the old violin,
But he held it up with a smile:
"What am I bidden, good folks." he cried,
"Who will start bidding for me?
A dollar, a dollar, now two, only two?
Three dollars once, three dollars twice...
And going for three..." but no;
For the room far back a gray-haired man
Stepped forward and picket up the bow;
Then, wiping the dust from the old violin.
And tightening the loose strings,
He played them a melody, pure and sweet,
As pure as an angel sings.
The music stopped, and the auctioneer said
In a voice that was quiet and low:
"Now, then, what am I offered for the old violin?"
As he held it up with the bow...
"One thousand dollars, now who'll make it two?
Two thousand, and who'll make it three?
Three thousand once, three thousand twice...
And going... and gone!" said he.
The people cheered, but some of them cried:
"We did not really understand
What changed it's worth?" -- swift came the reply:
"The touch of the master's hand."
And many a person with life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with Sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the mindless crowd,
Much like the old violin.
A mess of pottage, a glass of wine,
A game, and they travel on...
They're going once, they're going twice,
They're going... and almost gone.
But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd,v
Never will really understand
The worth of a soul, and the change that is brought,
By the touch of the Master's Hand.
by Myra Ross Welch (1926)
--Selected from Barbara's Entourage Mantle
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A Fun, Faith 'n Funny Bone Feature 
